Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
