I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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