I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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