he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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