Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
