haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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