You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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