I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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