I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
