You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
