I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
