I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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