so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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