i permit you to call me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
