This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
