after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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