am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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