He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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