I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Randomize
