im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
