I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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