He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
