one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
