true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
