Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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