Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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