I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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