FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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