I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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