I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
