Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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