He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
my poor anus
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize