all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
