They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
