this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
NoShamevember. You game?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
