I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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