I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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