In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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