So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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