I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
