Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
