she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
