What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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