Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
