yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
