It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
