thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
