shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
