He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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