I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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