She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
