STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I FOUND THE LEGS
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
