As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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