Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
