she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize