Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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