Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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