GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
