so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
