He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
