So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize
