I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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