i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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